this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
