Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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