Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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