it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
