I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
