if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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