i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
