Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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