i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
