Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
