I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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