the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
