dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
How's work?
Spinning.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
