his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
sex in a hospital.. check
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
