Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
40s are totally the cure
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
