i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
