walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
