who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
