I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
