Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
