so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Randomize
