I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
