2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Randomize
