i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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