video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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