I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
