apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
