There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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