I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
