This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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