I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
