If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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