3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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