Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Randomize
