3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
