I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
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