did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
