I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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