4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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