I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
