after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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