I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
