would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
