I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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