This gyro tastes like lonliness
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize