dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
