he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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