I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
