Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
