Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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