I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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