I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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